To be honest this week kinda snuck up on me, it wasn’t until I saw the hashtag floating around that it registered with me. I tried to write this post and got stuck a few times. I left it and revisited it only to hit the same wall again…
Truth is I really don’t know what to say, eating disorders suck, I know that, and I am so thankful I no longer struggle with one but am also grieved by all the people who still do. When I meet someone who struggles with an eating disorder or receive an email with a similar story, my heart shatters into a million pieces, I can easily put myself in their shoes and even just for that five minutes my heart it in utter turmoil. I remember it so clearly and vividly it’s scary. I don’t take for granted for the fact that that could still be me. I guess I could be considered one of the lucky ones but I don’t think that it was by accident. I know my freedom was intentional on my end and took a lot of work, me and God.
Honestly, I couldn’t imagine recovery without God. I couldn’t imagine doing it on my own and living it out to this day. I relied on God in ways I never knew imaginable during that season of treatment and it was because of God that I graduated the Mercy Ministries program, there really is no other explanation because I tried to get better 100 times on my own and failed over and over again no matter how hard I tried. Willpower has never been my issue.
Having some very honest conversations with God and allowing Him into every area of my life, the places I guarded from most, allowed true healing to take place. An eating disorder is never about food, there are so many deep emotional things taking place that are masked by a weird relationships with food.
I continue to rely on God for my freedom everyday, I am not so naïve to think it could never happen again, actually the relapse with eating disorders is crazy high. I continue to plug into the source of my freedom and continue to move forward.
So I guess the goal of this post isn’t even to bring awareness to eating disorders, I want to bring awareness to my God who heals eating disorders, restores, and brings complete wholeness to women. This is what National Eating Disorder Awareness Week means to me.
*I try to not get crazy spiritual in my posts, but it felt unavoidable in this one.
More of my story can be found here >>>> ED POST